


Lovely Tears (One Shot)

by iz_writing



Category: OnlyOneOf (Band), Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Hwang Hyunjin is a Sweetheart, M/M, Mentioned Hwang Hyunjin, Sad Hwang Hyunjin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24662410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iz_writing/pseuds/iz_writing
Summary: Hyunjin lays on the floor of his room alone and cries and thinks about what happened in the last time.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	Lovely Tears (One Shot)

**Author's Note:**

> Word count: 1569  
> Pairing: Hyunjin (Stray Kids) x Junhyung (OnlyOneOf), bxb  
> Genre: Angst  
> Warnings: Mentioning of suicide, mentioning of bullying, Insults  
> Theme Song: Rise Against - Make It Stop (September's Children)  
> [A/N: Happy Pride Month!  
> It's a pretty short one shot this time and I'm not really satisfied with it, but I hope you like it anyways~  
> I'll start with saying thank you to my precious friends who helped me with this. This would be include Lou, who helped me with finding a good ship, Auli who helped me when I had problems with translating the unique person who made again a beautiful cover for me and of course Jojo who helped me a lot with the translations. Then, I'm still not that good at writing in English and if there are still some mistakes, please tell me! And again, I really wanna become better at writing and it would be so great if you could tell me what you think about my one shot and of you have any criticism or something hehe~  
> Last but not least I'd like to recommend the theme song to you. It's a great song with an important meaning.]

Shakily he raised his hand and looked at it in the dim moonlight that made it through the window into the room. His breath was heavy, but still not as heavy as his heart. It was only a matter of time until he’d cry again, writhing on the floor, sobbing and calling quietly for help.  
“Princes don’t cry.”, he repeated now for the almost hundredth time.  
“P-princes don’t cry.” He clung to these words as if they were the salvation he had longed for.  
“Princes d-do…” A single, small tear rolled down his cheek. “…don’t cry.”, he let out weakly. Slowly he lowered his hand again, put it on the floor and braced himself against it. His legs laid cramped next to him, slightly suggesting the embryo position. A second tear left his eye. His arms began to shake even more violent and he wouldn’t be able to hold his own weight for long.  
“Naww, is this little pussy crying again?”, he scoffed at himself. “You’re such a damn sissy, Hyunjin, honestly. Such a small, unworthy, shitty crybaby.” He spat out each word individually to express his contempt for himself more. The contempt of others, who repeated these sentences mantra-like in front of him day by day. “Why does something like you even exist?” Hyunjin could feel how they pushed him against the wall. “You know what?”, he hissed at himself, putting his hands on his neck, just as they had done so many times before, that the feeling of not having pressure on his lungs was almost foreign to him.  
“You’re not worth the fucking air you breathe.” He closed his grip a little more with each word he spoke. The black-haired boy gasped for air, his arms began to shake even more again, but this didn’t make his grip come lose. On the contrary. He clung to his neck with all his might. Hyunjin started to kick his legs severely, trying to fight himself.  
“W-where are you?”, he sobbed weakly as he closed his eyes and finally released his grip. He raised his hand again, opened it and looked at his empty palm. “I mi-miss you.”, he breathed faintly. “So, so badly.” Tears filled his eyes again, took his view. “Is the stupid baby screaming after him again?” This time the mockery didn’t come from his mouth, but only from his memory.  
“It’s time for you to understand that this bitch was smart enough to make the right choice.” Hyunjin wanted to say something, wanted to scream and fight for him, wanted to make sure they left him alone. But all he could get out of his mouth was a meaningless whine.  
They had hit his sore spot. The only place that couldn’t be healed with a bit of disinfectant spray and bandage. And in his memory, the moment was even more unbearable. Having to listen again to how much he had always failed robbed him of his last bit of strength. His tears came over him like a wave and took away his last amount of hope. He tensed, felt his toes shaking and getting numb, then his legs and after that the rest of his body. Hyunjin’s head began to throb in pain. He closed his eyes and saw the horrible memories spinning in front of his eyes, getting louder, then quieter again and disappearing completely after that, leaving nothing but black. His own soft sobs were the only remaining sound in the room as well as in his thoughts.  
“Why does it have to hurt so much?”, he gasped, not knowing how far away he still was from the end of this torture. “I-is it me?”, he stuttered, barely understandable. “Am I really so wrong?” He felt empty, exhausted and above all, lost. The 20-year-old had already seen the cruelest abysses, but he had never been this deep. He had always been certain that this was his own fault. That he was never good enough and never would be. But he had never considered that they were right. Those who punish him every day for what and who he was. Hyunjin felt weak. Weaker than usual. Unimportant. Unnecessary. Felt like he was nothing but a mistake.  
“Hyunjin!” The older ones’ voice was a little deeper, but also gentler than Hyunjin’s. He remembered his voice too well and the light childish touch that it would’ve never lost. Now he was fully done and broken. A knife could have been slowly and painfully put in his chest and the pain wouldn’t been nearly as intense as the pain the voice he had just heard has caused.  
“Junhyung?”, Hyunjin replied incredulously. Junhyung gently put his arm around the smaller one. “Did they hurt you again, my prince?”, whispered the blonde guy. Hyunjin ignored his question and opened his eyes to look once more at his boyfriend’s perfect face. “Junhyung? J-junji? D-darling?” In vain.  
“Jinnie, don’t cry!” The kindly voice of Junhyung was clearly heard, but the boy himself was nowhere to be seen. “Darling? Where are you my angel?” Hyunjin repeatedly searched every single inch of the room with his eyes, but unsuccessfully.  
He heard a soft sigh, but couldn’t make out where it came from. “My prince, handsome, stop it.”, the older boy begged sadly. “This world has so much to offer. There’s so much for you to see. So much love for you.”  
The black-haired guy swallowed hardly. “W-what’s about to happen, angel?” He could feel Junhyung laying his arms around him from behind and kissing his earlobe gently. “I don’t wanna hurt you, Hyunjin.” His voice was still warm and lovingly, but his words hit Hyunjin devastatingly. “But I don’t wanna lie to you either, handsome. And as painful as it is, I unfortunately have to remind you that I am dead.” The words came so easily over his lips that Hyunjin, who has never been able to speak about it properly, froze. “I killed myself. And this happened already a year ago. Hyunjin, my prince…” Junhyung put his hands affectionately around the younger ones. “…I love you.” He tenderly placed his lips on his princes’ cheek. Hyunjin ran his hands slightly over the place where he felt the elder’s lips.  
“I love you too.”, he panted wearily.  
“I know. And it means so much more to me than you can imagine. But it stings my heart to see you crying out of pain.” It got silent for a short time. “And it’s time for you to continue living your life.” Junhyung fondly put his hands on Hyunjin’s cheek, as he had done to him so often when he was still alive and exhausted from the cruelty of his fellow human beings.  
“You are not my angel.”, the black-haired spat out numbly. Junji hesitated. “No.”, he finally admitted. “No, I’m not Junhyung. Your angel, as you use to say. You’re right, I’m not him.” ‘Junyhung’ took away his hand from Hyunjin’s cheek. “I am the memory of him. Your subconscious that advises you to get over him.” All the warmth in ‘Junhyung’s’ voice was gone and nothing but the bitter truth remained.  
“It’s too early!”, protested the younger boy, indignant and hurt by himself. “Is it really ‘too early’, Hyunjin? It’s been a year. Even longer. And you haven’t gotten a step further and let them destroy yourself every day.” Hyunjin glared at the floor, well knowing that his inner voice was only telling the truth.  
“You never were like that before. You didn’t let yourself be taken down. You were fighting.” The tears in Hyunjin’s eyes were fading.  
“I fought for him. For my Junhyung. The real one.”, he mumbled.  
“Yes. And now you don’t do it anymore.”, his subconscious stated. The black-haired boy nodded abashedly.  
“Because he’s dead. Because I failed miserably. Lost him. It’s too late.” Hyunjin emphasized the words as sharply as if he wanted to lose the fight against himself.  
“Hyunjin. Both of us know I’m right. Junhyung is dead. But he loved you. Always. Until his last breath. If he could see you like that, so weak and vulnerable, he would be disappointed. In himself. He would hate himself for putting you in such a state. It’s time to move on with life. Do it for him.”  
Hyunjin had nothing to reply to that. The voice, which started with choosing her sentences with such a care, no longer seemed to be cautious. It spoke the words with an uncomfortable hardness and speed.  
“I love him.”, whispered Hyunjin. He was no longer able to do more than that. For years he thought that the cruel lies his bullies told about him, hissing in his ear day by day, just because he was different from them, just because he was gay, were harsh. But not even one of these phrases hit him as hard as the truth he had to admit to himself.  
Shivering, he got up, went to his closet and took out an oversized sweater.  
“Junji’s favourite sweater.”, he mumbled into the warm fabric. He hesitantly went to his bed to drop on it.  
The boy pressed his face into the garment that his late boyfriend had worn daily during his lifetime. Sweat, blood and dirt stains had immortalized in the sweater. But above all, memories were woven into the fabric.  
Once again tears sprung into Hyunjin’s eyes, accompanied by a croaked “I’m not ready yet.”


End file.
